Storytime : My fears

Most people fear things; they at least fear one thing at some point of their life. Fears vary from things that can be touched to things that can only be seen to things that are just experiences. I don't fear spiders or circles or even death. My greatest fear is not having enough time.

This fear grew on me. As time ticked, my worry grew. Our entire lives, we've been told that time is precious. We've been told to not waste it because that split second could change our lives, forever. Time is a constant. You can't forward or rewind or pause. Whether you like it or not, it will keep going. It's been going before you even set your foot into this universe and it will keep going after you take your last breath. But the thing with the way you experience time is relative. The way you take a minute might not be the same as the girl across the street. You might feel as though minutes go fast, while she feels as though they move at a tortoise pace. It's all the same amount of time if measured, but it can be taken in at least 7.3 billion ways, so do I really have the same second as the president or Beyonce is we don't experience it in the same way. How do expect to be on an even playing field if the way the field is looked on by each individual isn't even. I think to add onto my fear of time, I have a fear of failure. They are both intertwined and one would not necessarily appear without the other. I have hopes and dreams just like the next person and the idea that I might not achieve them is not an option in my head. I joke about being lazy and brush off things like they don't affect me, even though they do. Every imperfect test score and failed productive day makes me wonder what I have hindered for my future self. If I had spent one minute or one hour or one day longer on that project, would it have been better, resulting into something a little more than ordinary. I constantly live with these questions burning through my brain. I spend time worrying about wasting time causing me to waste more time, and it just leads me into this sick cycle of self doubt and unproductivity that I continue on with despite my fear. The peculiar thing about my fear is despite the distress it causes me, I still seem to find so much beauty in it. As time passes, innovations occur. New things are introduced and sometimes all you need is that change to brighten your mood and endorse your creativity. Sometimes you need that chance to be able to use time, while other seasons you just can't work. As the weather and seasons change, so do the environment. The people and mood are a 360 from how they were a couple months prior, and that is quite refreshing. The thing with this fear that I have is that the chance that I will ever get over it completely impossible. Sometimes there are things that you just have to be okay with. The clock will keep ticking and so will my heart. One goes for infinity, while the other is ticking down to dooms day. All you can do is acknowledge what you've done, whether good or bad, and just keep swimming. My headspace is the only thing stopping me. Am I going to let the invisible box of fear in my head stop me from doing things outside of my head? Absolutely not.